12 Questions That Build The Best Teams And Relationships – Episode 116

LFL 116 | Best Team Relationships


We can only ever be successful as our teams. That is why it is important to know how to take care of them. Are your behaviors as a leader conducive for your team to grow and love the work they do? In this episode, Patrick Veroneau goes even deeper into the C.A.B.L.E.S. model by sharing the twelve questions you need to be asking yourself to build the best teams and relationships. Learn and familiarize yourself with these questions in order to keep improving and developing yourself and your team. Pinpoint the behavior that you need to be addressing and start becoming the best leader you could be. 

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12 Questions That Build The Best Teams And Relationships

In this episode, I thought I’d piggyback off of the last episode that was talking about what makes the most effective teams. We talked about three things. We talked about teams that provide support for each other teams that challenge each other and teams that celebrate each other. Those are what makes a winning team. I don’t care if it’s in a work setting or in a personal setting that when we’re able to do all three of those things, we find that we have the best relationshipsI know in the last episode I went through and gave illustrations of certain behaviors based on that cable’s model that I use quite regularly on how these six behaviors addressed all three of those ingredients that were found in the best teams.  

When we create wellbeing around us, we create a better environment. Click To Tweet

What I thought I’d do from there is to give you two questions that you can ask yourself based on each of those behaviors. We’re going to call it the daily dozen. Twelve questions that you can ask yourself that will help to recognize where you are in regard to these behaviors. Especially we can look at this if we’re in a situation where we’re having a challenge with somebody or issues or a problem with somebody that we’re working with, or somebody that we live with, we can take a look and ask ourselves these questions based on these six behaviors. How am I doing? To me it’s almost like a troubleshooting guide that I can evaluate, if I’m honest with myself, “Where am I on this? The quicker that I can come from a standpoint of trying to identify what role do I play in this disengagement or dysfunction, the faster it will be for me to find a solution that’s going to work to get us out of this, to repair this in terms of where we need to be.  

Walking The Talk 

I’m going to start off with the first one in terms of congruence. The two questions that you can ask yourself, one is, “Do my actions match my words? We’re talking about integrity. Is what I say and what I do is at the same thing? The next question on that is, “Am I consistently modeling what I expect from others? Plays into that first one, but it is. What am I doing? If I’m telling people that I want respect but I don’t demonstrate respect for anybody else or I want you to listen to what I have to say, but I don’t listen to you, you’re going to tune me out because you’re like, “You want these things but you’re not doing them yourself.

The Power Of Recognition

When we move on to appreciation, there are two parts to this. One question that we ask ourselves is, “Am I consistently recognizing the positive contributions of others, those people around me? I talk about it in the workshops that I do as RPMs, Recognizing Positive Moments, how often do I do that. We all like recognition on some level. Some need it more than others, but it’s always nice to feel as though you’re appreciated for what you’re doing.  

Contributing To Belong

The other part of appreciation deals with biases. The question is, am I open to understanding and appreciating the diversity of others? Do we need that now in terms of appreciating other people’s perspectives? Too often right now, we’re in situations where if you don’t agree with me, you’re stupid, you’re a redneck, you’re illiterate, deplorable or whatever you’re labeled, elitist, that we do not appreciate that there can be different perspectives on things. We move on to belongingness. The first question is“Am I positively contributing to the well-being of those around me? We know the importance of belongingness and so many research studies that have been done in terms of we can almost think of this as though we’re pack animals, we need each other. When we create well-being around us, we create a better environment.  

Understand, Not Undermine

Along those lines, the next question is, “Have my behavior supported a culture of inclusion? We hear so much about diversity, equity and inclusion, these behaviors, these six cables address all of the concerns or desires for having diversity, equity and inclusion within an organization. People need to feel as though they belong, that they’re part of it, especially as a leader, how have I done? How am I about having other people feel as though they’re welcomed or they’re part of what’s going on? Next, we move on to listening. Have I been practicing four-way listening? We’ve talked about that before. I’ve got other episodes that I speak to this more in depth, but with our eyes, with our ears, with our mind and with our heart, and when we listen with all four of those approaches, we are listening to understand at that point as opposed to listening to either respond or listening to undermine.  

In Their Shoes

The second question in there is, “Am I listening to understand or to undermine? We’re only listening so that we can then make our counterargument or to insult the other person or demonstrate to them that they don’t know what they’re talking about. When we’re doing that, we’re not really listening to where they’re coming from. There’s a lack of appreciation. The next is empathyHave I made an effort to see things from another’s point of view? Imagining what’s it likeWhat if I were in their shoeswould I be frustrated too? What would be going on in my mind if I was where they are? The second part of this empathy piece is, “Is my demonstration of empathy sincere?” The reason I put that in there is because I think too often right now the buzz word is you’ve got to be empathetic or especially in a workplace setting, we hear a lot around empathy and leadership, but people can tell when it’s sincere or not sincere.  

Crystal Clear Expectations

We need to ask ourselves, “Is my demonstration of empathy sincere? The next question one is around specifics, those clear expectations. To that point, “Have I set clear expectations that are understood and agreed by all involved? There’s specific wording there in terms of the question, are they understood and are they agreed by all involved? They might be understood, but do we agree with them? We might think we agree, but they’re not understood. That oftentimes creates the window for conflict to come in. In organizations, I see this where there has been conflict or disagreement, and it oftentimes times comes back to the fact that there haven’t been clear expectations. We can see this in relationships too personally. What do we need from each other? How is this relationship going to thrive? What do I need from you and what do you need from me?  

LFL 116 | Best Team Relationships

Best Team Relationships: The quicker you can come from the standpoint of trying to identify what role you play in the dysfunction, the faster it will be for you to find a solution that’s going to work to get you where you need to be.


The next question in that is, “Have my behaviors created a culture of owners for what’s expected? We can have the expectation be clear, but are we holding each other accountable to that? Is there ownership to what we both said we’re going to do. If there isn’t then we’re right back to the beginning of this. We lack congruence. Our actions don’t match our words. Those are the daily dozen. If you were to go down that list, if you’re having a challenge with an individual, you can ask yourself those questions. Where is it? Is it congruence? Is it belongingness? Is it empathy that the challenge is coming from? It’s in one of those areas, if not more than one. The faster you are being open to looking in the mirror and deciding, Which of these do I own,” the faster you’re going to be to repairing whatever that relationship is or whatever the damage is that’s been created in that relationship.  

I hope you found this valuable. This is a tool or a model that I regularly use with clients. Based on the research that I’ve done, on the testimonials that I’ve received, on what I’ve witnessed and observed myself, this works, and it works consistently when it’s modeled consistently. Which of these do you think might be beneficial for you to work on in that relationship that you’re trying to improve? Which one of those daily dozens do you need to address? I hope you found this valuable and helpful as this show is themed that leaders are learners. We’re all here to learn, to get better, and to improve. On that note, I hope you’re able to go out and rise above your best. Peace. 

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